Crying that doesn't need to be calmed down
_Khoirul Triann_
Of the many ways to celebrate sadness
Sometimes, there are tears that don't need to be soothed
Teach me how to live, then I will tell you which parts of my life are dead.
It's natural that I cry tonight
Because other people don't have the right to know about my problems.
Isn't everyone deaf right now, so how can I tell a story?
When everyone turns out to just be curious—not really caring, that there is a soul that needs to recover from its illness.
Struggling to win an argument with his own ego
Because in my opinion, the most unacceptable sadness is when we are disappointed with ourselves.
Almost every day I say yes to all the problems that come
Like inviting others in just to give deeper wounds.
Ruining the most important part of the house that I had worked so hard to put together neatly.
The deeper it gets, the more brazen it is until it makes a mess.
Why are humans so evil?
Why do we find disappointment more often than happiness?
I desperately studied the contents of other people's heads just to find the answer to: Why can humans have the heart to hurt other humans, aren't we all living together?
So it's not just you who wants to be happy, it's not just you who is looking for happiness.
Go, as far as we can run
Until I may never see you again—even if
I've reached the point—where my tears no longer need to be quieted.
So let me cry my heart out
At least let me know how it feels to be truly disappointed.
Then I will memorize how it hurts
So that I understand, so that I understand, so that I don't hurt other people in the future
So I'll finish it all this time, I don't want any left.
I want it all to be over, like the end of a person who is numb.
Like a finished person
Yogyakarta, January 05, 2023
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